Why I'm Redefining Having It All

This post was originally featured on Littles Magazine.

The concept of having it all, is in my opinion a strange one. It's the idea that the woman, the Mother should strive to have an excellent career and a contented family life and that these things should exist in harmonious balance with one another. It's the idea that this is what all women want or at least should want, because its now (apparently) all available to us.

Ugh. How patronising.

I'm a full time working mother of one, with a husband who also works full time and co-parents with me in equal measures. Whilst I am not particularly qualified or financially well off, I would go as far as to call my vocation a career because it is specialised and I've been working on it for a long time.
Sounds like I've got it sorted doesn't it? Well some days I do, some days we get up, we get ready, I've made lunches the night before and everyone has clean underwear. Some days the toddler fully co-operates, he actually brushes his teeth and he lets us dress him without kicking Daddy in the balls. He's excited to see his Nanny or his friend Lily at nursery and he's bowling out the door with a huge grin on his face. On these days I've straightened my hair, I'm on time, I'm wearing that dress with the little brown belt and there are no ladders in my tights. These are the days that I, by definition look like I 'have it all'.

I Need To Talk To You About Lena Dunham

I need to talk to you about Lena Dunham.
I need to talk to you about how much I love Lena Dunham.
You will know her from the HBO series Girls, which she writes, directs and plays neurotic Hannah Horvath. But I know her from this article she wrote for the New Yorker last year : Growing Up in Therapy.
I don't know how I came across this piece (maybe I was googling 'why am I so weird?') but I am so glad I did. I've read it at least five times, I keep going back to it every now and then. I connect with it and have a 'oh thank god' moment everytime I read it. Its not glamourous, its not glossy if anything its hard to read because its very personal and very direct.
But it is very real.
Not everything she writes completely connects with me, I haven't had the same experiences as her exactly but the parts about death, health anxiety, worrying about the world and every little eventuality, resonate with me and how I felt as a teenager.
Its the rawness of it is thats important, the truth in it. Its the fact that thousands, millions of girls and women will read it, see it and hear a real message. If I was a young girl now having these issues, finding and reading this article would help me, it would make me realise that I'm not alone and that even 'celebrities', even people who are your idols or look like they've got it all, suffer from overwhelming thoughts and worries.

And so I loved Lena Dunham instantly, in the moment that I read that article because of the colossal balls she must have to write it.

10 Reasons Why Being a Working Mother Sucks Balls

This is an article I've had half drafted for a while, but I could never quite finish it off. I was worried it would come across as a woe is me post, my life is so hard post, I'm so exhausted post. But after a particularly shitty fortnight and just generally feeling like a crappy Mum, I read this piece The Working Mother by Learning To Be Mrs C and it just made me feel a lot better. I completely related to it and just felt relieved that I wasn't the only one struggling with the work/life balance. This is exactly why I love blogging,  you start to realise that you are not alone. You are not the only one.

As Mothers of this generation, the game is varied, the choices are different and the guilt is greater.

Should I Work? Can I Work? Do I Want to Work?

Should I Stay At Home? Can I Stay At Home? Do I Want to Stay At Home?

But the ultimate truth is we're all dealing with the same shit, our struggle is the same - its just the context that varies.

So here's my ten reasons why being a working mother sucks balls. I'm not saying being a working mum is harder than being a stay at home mum - who knows, who quite frankly cares? I don't, I'm far too fucking exhausted to worry about what everyone else is doing. This shit is hard and regardless of our 'parenting context' we all deserve a fucking medal.
If your a stay at home Mummy - please can you write 'Ten Reasons Why Being a SAHM Sucks Balls?' Then lets get together, compare notes and consume vast quantities of wine.
First bottle is on me!

Relocating My Balls After Maternity Leave

Before my current job, it was my experience that being a Mother was viewed as a negative by an employer.
In fact when I was interviewing for a new position I would mentally list the reasons why I should get the job (experience, skill, enthusiasm) and why I might not get the job. On this list would be the fact that I am Mum.
Yes I had allowed myself to believe that being a Mother made me less capable, less skilled and therefore less employable.