The Mothers Day Interviews: My Mum

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

My final interview in the series is with my own Mum, Ann. She's raised two girls from neurotic to rebellious and back again. She is the most patient, diplomatic and loving person I know. She's also pretty cool and will fight my corner no matter what.

What has been the most challenging aspect of being a Mother?
I don't think there is any one thing, being a mother is challenging, it's still challenging, you never stop being a mother.

What kind of Mum did you think you would be?
To be honest I didn't think about it much, I guess we all hope we will get it right, be loving, gentle, caring.

Did you turn out to be that kind or completely different?
Yes I was loving caring and gentle, I was also tired, tearful, desperate, sometimes bordering on hysterical and emotionally drained.

The Mothers Day Interviews: Cash Carraway

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

My fourth interview is with Cash Carraway, writer of the alternative lifestyle and family blog The Comeback Mum. Cash lives with her daughter in London and writes from her unique perspective on parenting, life, fashion and politics. I can't remember how I found Cash's blog but I did and its certainly one of my favourites. There's nothing I love better than brutal honesty and you'll find plenty of it there! I voted for this blog in last years Mumsnet Blogging awards when it was nominated for Best Writer and Best Campaigner. 

How did The Comeback Mum begin, have you written blogs before, are you a writer by trade?
Back in 2010 when I was pregnant and living in a women’s refuge I started a blog - which I am not allowed to name for legal reasons. Some pieces from it got re-published in magazines and I was approached about writing a book but then literally weeks after giving birth my blog became the subject of a court case. The case went on for two years in which I was not allowed to write anything for public consumption. It was a pretty soul destroying time so I hid away and focused solely on being a mum.
I finally pieced myself back together and started The Comeback Mum in 2015 because I really missed writing and blogging. And I’m so glad I did, it has changed my life!
In terms of a trade I guess I am a writer. I mean, it pays the bills and has done for a while. Before I had my daughter I wrote reviews for music magazines. Then I worked on the news desk of a hateful tabloid, then on a low ranking soap opera, I got sacked from both…

How do you feel about your social media following and influence?
Social media is lovely because it means quick connection. I love sharing stories, I love hearing stories and I guess social media is an instant outlet for that. Everyone on social media is influential whether you have one follower or one million – I love how it gives everyone a voice, regardless of whether or not you agree with them!

The Mothers Day Interviews : My Friend, Charlotte

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

This interview is with my friend Charlotte, we've known each other since we were nine years old. She's not a blogger or a social media fanatic, she's an actual real life person(!). Charlotte and her husband Alex had their first baby, William in November last year and are adjusting to being new parents.
If you've ever Googled "can you die of sleep deprivation?" at 4 am, you want to read this interview.

Can you tell us about your birth experience?
Well to be honest it was rather horrendous. I naively went into it thinking I would have a water birth and try hypno-birthing for pain relief. after all I thought, I had a high pain threshold and how bad could it really be if the human race is still thriving with most women happily having had more than one child?  Don't get me wrong I thought it would hurt but I wasn't really prepared for just how badly it would hurt or how crap I would feel afterwards.
To start, I went overdue which was rather depressing but apparently quite normal. For your information - curry and pineapple juice to induce labour do not work but feel free to try them if you're overdue and it makes you feel better! My contractions started on a Wednesday night at ten o'clock, they were coming every 5-10 minutes at first and didn't end until my baby boy arrived sixty-two hours later. Yes I did say, 62 hours. It was NOT like  mild period pain either, it was sixty-two hours of agonizing contractions.

Despite going to hospital on Friday morning I was sent home as I was only 3cm dilated! I think this was possibly one of the most depressing moments of my life. By the early hours of Saturday morning, the contractions were coming every three minutes, so we went back to the hospital. I was examined (quite roughly) by a midwife who proclaimed in a surprised voice "Oh your 8cm dilated! Well done, so do you want some pain relief now?"  By this stage I hadn't had so much as a Paracetamol so yes please I did want some pain relief! I was also informed that all the birthing pools were occupied. I didn't get the chance to try to hypnobirthing because by this point it was well out of the window along with my dignity!

The Mothers Day Interviews: Danielle Parry

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

My second interview is with Danielle Parry, who I (like many others) follow on Instagram. She takes some brilliant photos of her life with her son Gruffydd and they are always accompanied by a frank and often hilarious caption! Following her birth experience (which you can read more about below), Danielle found herself in the local newspaper and being interviewed on Good Morning Britain. If you value a Mother who tells you how it is and isn't a "coconut oiled vegan", you'll want to read this interview.

Who is your idol or hero and why?
My ultimate hero in life is, has, and always will be my Nan. We had the most wonderful relationship and she has influenced me to become the person I am today. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 16 weeks pregnant with my son and unfortunately passed just a few short days after he was born. I’m not a religious person, however I do believe there is a reason for everything and the fact I fell pregnant when I did was a little sign of hope. Without him I don’t know how I would have coped. My Nan was louder than life, and was never afraid to say it how it was, I feel that this attitude has passed down to me and I still can’t decide if it’s a positive or not!

There is not a day that goes past when I don't miss her. The stories she would tell of what she got up to in the 60s, her road rage at 'slow women drivers' or quite simply someone who would be there to listen to me chat for hours about the most mundane subjects, yet showing great interest. Near her death she would say that she'd had the most amazing life and has the most loving family around her, all she wanted to do was hold on long enough to meet my son and she did. When I've reached the winter of my life, I want nothing more to be able to look back and have that same peace, the ability to know that if death is imminent, I can be happy with how my life has been. Knowing that she felt this was inspires me daily and will do for everyday I am here on earth.

The Mothers Day Interviews : Deborah Patrick

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

First up is Deborah Patrick (Debs), writer of the very popular blog Super Busy Mum. I know Debs through her Mad Mid Week Blog Hop which I regularly link up to each Wednesday. If you're on the look out for a new linky, give this one a try as there's a lot of variety and a nice community spirit to it! Debs is a Mum of five, living in Northern Ireland. She is getting married later on this year and is a keen photographer.

How did Super Busy Mum begin?
I was a SAHM with a very little {8wk old} newborn and a friend of my partners advised me to start up my own blog, having just done it herself also due to having a little baby at home also. I did, having never blogged before and I never thought I would keep it up but here I am, 2 and a half years later and I could not be prouder of my little corner of the internet. I am also not a natural writer. I'm one of those people with a funny accent who live in Northern Ireland who writes as she speaks! lol.

How do you feel about your social media following and influence?
When I started my blog I didn't realise you had to start up social media platforms to connect to it all. But I quickly learned and at first, I thought starting up a Facebook page for my blog was a stupid idea, like, who would like it? Then there is also Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter and so on. But looking at my social media audience now? I'm in awe and so thankful to everyone who follows me....I'm unsure on the influence I have but I'm just chuffed that people want to read what I am waffling about.

Why I'm Redefining Having It All

This post was originally featured on Littles Magazine.

The concept of having it all, is in my opinion a strange one. It's the idea that the woman, the Mother should strive to have an excellent career and a contented family life and that these things should exist in harmonious balance with one another. It's the idea that this is what all women want or at least should want, because its now (apparently) all available to us.

Ugh. How patronising.

I'm a full time working mother of one, with a husband who also works full time and co-parents with me in equal measures. Whilst I am not particularly qualified or financially well off, I would go as far as to call my vocation a career because it is specialised and I've been working on it for a long time.
Sounds like I've got it sorted doesn't it? Well some days I do, some days we get up, we get ready, I've made lunches the night before and everyone has clean underwear. Some days the toddler fully co-operates, he actually brushes his teeth and he lets us dress him without kicking Daddy in the balls. He's excited to see his Nanny or his friend Lily at nursery and he's bowling out the door with a huge grin on his face. On these days I've straightened my hair, I'm on time, I'm wearing that dress with the little brown belt and there are no ladders in my tights. These are the days that I, by definition look like I 'have it all'.

When Your Toddler Holds You Hostage In Superdrug

Sometimes I forget that I'm still a first time parent. I feel like I've been a Mum for a while, its not all shiny and new and I should just know the answers by now. I mean you get all that when you have a new born, that feeling of not knowing what you're doing, not knowing how to hold them without their head falling off. Unsure of the normal temperature, the normal colour of poo, the normal amount of crying. You're supposed to not know when they are new and you are new at being a parent, its expected, its accepted. Its ok to hold your hands up and say 'Sorry I'm new at this, I don't really know what I'm doing!'. 
Trouble is, I'm not really sure I can do that now my first baby is a new toddler. I mean I'm more confident with my parenting skills than I was in those first few months, his needs are easier to read, mostly because they are being screamed at me from across the supermarket. I can assess the right temperature because I've realised that its either just too fucking hot or too fucking cold, it doesn't matter if you're nine months old or ninety. I don't worry about the colour of poo, I no longer phone my Mum about it. Two and half years in, I've seen it all or at least please God, I hope I have. Its been on my hands, in my hair, on the carpet, there's nothing in the poo department that can worry me now. We've kept him alive and reasonably well behaved, we used to congratulate ourselves on what a 'good baby' he was.

Then three weeks ago, he held me hostage in Superdrug.

Mothering The Shit Out Of Life

Towards the end of last year I got pretty bogged down with all the things I had to do, the things I did do and things that were never going to get done. My mind became increasingly cluttered and stressed and over burdened by the demands of work, housework, my son, my husband and everything else that goes with it. There was always hoovering to do, always emails to respond to, always a dinner to cook. I was becoming increasingly frustrated with myself and my inability to get everything done. Everyone elses houses are always tidy, why was ours never ever tidy? We're never even here for fucks sake. At one point I was actually getting up in the middle of the night to hang up washing so it would dry in time. I would voluntarily opt out on reading my son a bedtime story, so that I could get dinner started so we wouldn't be eating at 9 o'clock again. I was giving a little of myself to everything, meaning nothing got my full attention, nothing truly ever got done or finished and well, I was fucking failing at everything.

10 Reasons Why Being a Working Mother Sucks Balls

This is an article I've had half drafted for a while, but I could never quite finish it off. I was worried it would come across as a woe is me post, my life is so hard post, I'm so exhausted post. But after a particularly shitty fortnight and just generally feeling like a crappy Mum, I read this piece The Working Mother by Learning To Be Mrs C and it just made me feel a lot better. I completely related to it and just felt relieved that I wasn't the only one struggling with the work/life balance. This is exactly why I love blogging,  you start to realise that you are not alone. You are not the only one.

As Mothers of this generation, the game is varied, the choices are different and the guilt is greater.

Should I Work? Can I Work? Do I Want to Work?

Should I Stay At Home? Can I Stay At Home? Do I Want to Stay At Home?

But the ultimate truth is we're all dealing with the same shit, our struggle is the same - its just the context that varies.

So here's my ten reasons why being a working mother sucks balls. I'm not saying being a working mum is harder than being a stay at home mum - who knows, who quite frankly cares? I don't, I'm far too fucking exhausted to worry about what everyone else is doing. This shit is hard and regardless of our 'parenting context' we all deserve a fucking medal.
If your a stay at home Mummy - please can you write 'Ten Reasons Why Being a SAHM Sucks Balls?' Then lets get together, compare notes and consume vast quantities of wine.
First bottle is on me!

5 Ways to Survive the First Weeks of Maternity Leave

1. Leave the House
I know this sounds flipping obvious but I often felt like this was the last thing in the world I wanted to do and yet every time I did I felt a million times better. Being inside for too long just magnifies everything, you look around and see all the shit that needs picking up, cleaning, tidying and you start to lose your mind. Even if you don't have a reason or a particular place to be ,go out, get out anywhere at anytime, just leave the house. Who cares if you're not wearing make up or if you haven't brushed your hair in three days? Chuck on some clothes, if you haven't done any washing yet this week, chuck on yesterdays clothes it doesn't matter just get the fuck out of that house.
Honestly a little walk or sitting on a park bench with a Mars bar can change everything.

Relocating My Balls After Maternity Leave

Before my current job, it was my experience that being a Mother was viewed as a negative by an employer.
In fact when I was interviewing for a new position I would mentally list the reasons why I should get the job (experience, skill, enthusiasm) and why I might not get the job. On this list would be the fact that I am Mum.
Yes I had allowed myself to believe that being a Mother made me less capable, less skilled and therefore less employable.