A History Of Anxiety

Anxious.
Its such a throw away word.
"I feel a bit anxious!" "I have anxiety about it." "I had a little panic attack."
Its a word we hear and use in casual conversation, to express our nerves or qualify our social awkwardness. Everybody feels anxious, you've just got to push through it and you'll be alright. Its such a shitty word, it lends itself to enable people  to talk about anxiety disorders as if they are not really illnesses. As if they are a self imposed state of mind for people who just need to relax a little.
I think I've lived with anxiety for the majority of my life. Its generally comes disguised as a very specific and tailored fear. Which then manifests itself deeper and further into my everyday life. Like when I was 8 years old and started refusing to go school, because I became terrified and transfixed on 'The Bad Book' being read out in school assembly. It is in truth quite a horrendous notion, that each Friday the list of 'Bad Children' was read out to the entire school and if your name was called, you had to stand up and be shamed. I hope nothing like that happens in Primary Schools these days. I spent my early twenties in a constant state of extreme anxiety. I don't mean that I was stressed or shy or a bit nervous. I mean that every day for five years, I had or fought off panic attacks. I mean that everything I did or didn't do was governed by the prison of my own mind. I built myself a tiny, little world with limits. I was quite safe there.

World Mental Health Day 2015

Today is World Mental Health Day. Did you know...

 1 in 4 people are living with mental health illnesses

1 in 10 young people experience mental health issues

9 out of 10 people with mental health problems experience stigma and discrimination

To help raise awareness and get people talking about Mental Health issues, I ran a guest post series on my site this month, inviting writers to put pen to paper (or finger to screen) about their own experiences.

A number of talented and brave bloggers contacted me and I was honoured to share their personal stories and articles. Here are just a few snippets of the great writing that made this series so relevant and relatable:

Agoraphobia : An Open Letter To Everyone Who Knows Me by Admissions of a Working Mother

The first post in our Mental Health series is written by myself and is about my experience with agoraphobia. I've written it to re-visit how I felt at my lowest but I have been doing quite well over the last few years and a lot of my problems I have overcome. Its something that will always be there, it never truly goes away, its just part of who I am but now I don't really notice it on an everyday basis and it definitely doesn't control my life.

Dear Everyone Who Knows Me,
I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot at some stage, if I came across as rude or unsociable. I'm not actually like that, its just I often feel quite anxious and panicky in social situations out of my comfort zone.
When I feel like this, its quite overwhelming and I have to fight hard to stop it taking control of me.  Its not that I don't want to talk to you or I don't have anything interesting to say, its just that I'm putting all my energy into staying in the room and its the most I can really manage.
And you know, its not that I don't want to eat your food or have a cup of tea, I can see that you went to a lot of trouble and I appreciate it. Its just that I feel so sick, my heart is racing, my mouth is dry and the idea of eating is completely impossible for me.
I know you aren't aware of this, you haven't a clue about the internal battle going on inside my head. You just think I'm a bit weird and impolite, I can tell by your strained attempts to talk to me and how you raise your eyebrows. I  know what you think about me, because I think similar things as well.