The Mothers Day Interviews: My Mum

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

My final interview in the series is with my own Mum, Ann. She's raised two girls from neurotic to rebellious and back again. She is the most patient, diplomatic and loving person I know. She's also pretty cool and will fight my corner no matter what.

What has been the most challenging aspect of being a Mother?
I don't think there is any one thing, being a mother is challenging, it's still challenging, you never stop being a mother.

What kind of Mum did you think you would be?
To be honest I didn't think about it much, I guess we all hope we will get it right, be loving, gentle, caring.

Did you turn out to be that kind or completely different?
Yes I was loving caring and gentle, I was also tired, tearful, desperate, sometimes bordering on hysterical and emotionally drained.

The Mothers Day Interviews : My Friend, Charlotte

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

This interview is with my friend Charlotte, we've known each other since we were nine years old. She's not a blogger or a social media fanatic, she's an actual real life person(!). Charlotte and her husband Alex had their first baby, William in November last year and are adjusting to being new parents.
If you've ever Googled "can you die of sleep deprivation?" at 4 am, you want to read this interview.

Can you tell us about your birth experience?
Well to be honest it was rather horrendous. I naively went into it thinking I would have a water birth and try hypno-birthing for pain relief. after all I thought, I had a high pain threshold and how bad could it really be if the human race is still thriving with most women happily having had more than one child?  Don't get me wrong I thought it would hurt but I wasn't really prepared for just how badly it would hurt or how crap I would feel afterwards.
To start, I went overdue which was rather depressing but apparently quite normal. For your information - curry and pineapple juice to induce labour do not work but feel free to try them if you're overdue and it makes you feel better! My contractions started on a Wednesday night at ten o'clock, they were coming every 5-10 minutes at first and didn't end until my baby boy arrived sixty-two hours later. Yes I did say, 62 hours. It was NOT like  mild period pain either, it was sixty-two hours of agonizing contractions.

Despite going to hospital on Friday morning I was sent home as I was only 3cm dilated! I think this was possibly one of the most depressing moments of my life. By the early hours of Saturday morning, the contractions were coming every three minutes, so we went back to the hospital. I was examined (quite roughly) by a midwife who proclaimed in a surprised voice "Oh your 8cm dilated! Well done, so do you want some pain relief now?"  By this stage I hadn't had so much as a Paracetamol so yes please I did want some pain relief! I was also informed that all the birthing pools were occupied. I didn't get the chance to try to hypnobirthing because by this point it was well out of the window along with my dignity!

The Mothers Day Interviews: Danielle Parry

This year to celebrate Mothers Day, I've interviewed a group of Mums that I particularly admire. They are all Mothers with different experiences, views, stories and opinions. Some are from the blogging and social media world whilst others are ones I know in real life. I'm running the series through out this week and we'll be talking about birth stories, parenting advice, sleep deprivation and much, much more!

My second interview is with Danielle Parry, who I (like many others) follow on Instagram. She takes some brilliant photos of her life with her son Gruffydd and they are always accompanied by a frank and often hilarious caption! Following her birth experience (which you can read more about below), Danielle found herself in the local newspaper and being interviewed on Good Morning Britain. If you value a Mother who tells you how it is and isn't a "coconut oiled vegan", you'll want to read this interview.

Who is your idol or hero and why?
My ultimate hero in life is, has, and always will be my Nan. We had the most wonderful relationship and she has influenced me to become the person I am today. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 16 weeks pregnant with my son and unfortunately passed just a few short days after he was born. I’m not a religious person, however I do believe there is a reason for everything and the fact I fell pregnant when I did was a little sign of hope. Without him I don’t know how I would have coped. My Nan was louder than life, and was never afraid to say it how it was, I feel that this attitude has passed down to me and I still can’t decide if it’s a positive or not!

There is not a day that goes past when I don't miss her. The stories she would tell of what she got up to in the 60s, her road rage at 'slow women drivers' or quite simply someone who would be there to listen to me chat for hours about the most mundane subjects, yet showing great interest. Near her death she would say that she'd had the most amazing life and has the most loving family around her, all she wanted to do was hold on long enough to meet my son and she did. When I've reached the winter of my life, I want nothing more to be able to look back and have that same peace, the ability to know that if death is imminent, I can be happy with how my life has been. Knowing that she felt this was inspires me daily and will do for everyday I am here on earth.

Why I'm Redefining Having It All

This post was originally featured on Littles Magazine.

The concept of having it all, is in my opinion a strange one. It's the idea that the woman, the Mother should strive to have an excellent career and a contented family life and that these things should exist in harmonious balance with one another. It's the idea that this is what all women want or at least should want, because its now (apparently) all available to us.

Ugh. How patronising.

I'm a full time working mother of one, with a husband who also works full time and co-parents with me in equal measures. Whilst I am not particularly qualified or financially well off, I would go as far as to call my vocation a career because it is specialised and I've been working on it for a long time.
Sounds like I've got it sorted doesn't it? Well some days I do, some days we get up, we get ready, I've made lunches the night before and everyone has clean underwear. Some days the toddler fully co-operates, he actually brushes his teeth and he lets us dress him without kicking Daddy in the balls. He's excited to see his Nanny or his friend Lily at nursery and he's bowling out the door with a huge grin on his face. On these days I've straightened my hair, I'm on time, I'm wearing that dress with the little brown belt and there are no ladders in my tights. These are the days that I, by definition look like I 'have it all'.

When Your Toddler Holds You Hostage In Superdrug

Sometimes I forget that I'm still a first time parent. I feel like I've been a Mum for a while, its not all shiny and new and I should just know the answers by now. I mean you get all that when you have a new born, that feeling of not knowing what you're doing, not knowing how to hold them without their head falling off. Unsure of the normal temperature, the normal colour of poo, the normal amount of crying. You're supposed to not know when they are new and you are new at being a parent, its expected, its accepted. Its ok to hold your hands up and say 'Sorry I'm new at this, I don't really know what I'm doing!'. 
Trouble is, I'm not really sure I can do that now my first baby is a new toddler. I mean I'm more confident with my parenting skills than I was in those first few months, his needs are easier to read, mostly because they are being screamed at me from across the supermarket. I can assess the right temperature because I've realised that its either just too fucking hot or too fucking cold, it doesn't matter if you're nine months old or ninety. I don't worry about the colour of poo, I no longer phone my Mum about it. Two and half years in, I've seen it all or at least please God, I hope I have. Its been on my hands, in my hair, on the carpet, there's nothing in the poo department that can worry me now. We've kept him alive and reasonably well behaved, we used to congratulate ourselves on what a 'good baby' he was.

Then three weeks ago, he held me hostage in Superdrug.

No More Cot Prison

Increasingly we are becoming aware that we're living on borrowed time with Finley still sleeping in his baby cot. He's fast approaching the two and a half years old mark now and every noise, every creak we hear from upstairs whilst trying to eat our dinner, we convince ourselves that he's finally done it. He's finally figured out how to throw himself over the side and make a break for freedom. Any second he'll come bumping down the stairs on his 'bum-bum' asking for a biscuit or a drink or a story and that will be it. Game over. No more cot prison. The enjoyment of our evenings will be subject to his free will and our ability (or lack of) to discipline him. Luckily for us its not happened yet, but now I've put that in writing it probably will tonight of course...

Don't Fear the C-Section

My son was born via emergency C-Section at almost midnight on a Tuesday in August, after 48 hours of induction nonsense, not a single push or any sleep.
Sounds dramatic doesn't it EMERGENCY CESAREAN? It really wasn't, it was all pretty calm and chilled and I had plenty of time to internalise and ask questions about what was about to happen. Thank god because I had not prepared for this eventuality in the slightest.

When I was first pregnant the idea of a Cesarean terrified me, actually terrified me, I would lie awake at night worrying that I would be the 1 in 4 who would have one. I thought it would kill me, I thought it would kill my baby. I thought the anesthetic wouldn't work and I would feel them cutting into me. I thought I'd bleed to death, I thought they'd cut through my baby, I thought I'd die on the table before I got to see him.
It worried me so much that in the end I blocked it out. I mentally removed it from my brain, I didn't even consider it, for me it was not a possibility. So much so that I didn't plan for it, I didn't educate myself about it. So naive was I in fact, that I couldn't bring myself to look at my C-Section scar for a whole week afterwards because I thought it was going to be this great massive hip to hip - stapled together flesh scar that I would never quite get over.
It wasn't so much that I desperately wanted the natural birth experience, it was just my negative view of C-Sections clouding my rational thought process. I didn't know anyone who had a cesarean, I had only ever heard negative things about them, I had only ever been told  'we hope that doesn't happen' or 'but don't worry that is very unlikely'.
It is not something that was ever discussed with me with my midwife and it was only briefly touched upon in the NHS antenatal classes. Sure we all spent an hour on floor doing a giant 'natural birth' process diagram/ jigsaw thing giving me all the information I already knew from basic GCSE biology and BabyCentre.com. But what about the other stuff? What about the less common and the less ideal? I'm not saying they should scare expectant mothers with horror birth stories but lets get real here, C-Sections are a reasonably common occurrence and they should try to prepare us for that eventuality.

I, myself with no birthing experience had a negative and prejudice opinion of C-sections - how did I get that opinion? I think from the media and sadly also from my peers.

5 Ways to Survive the First Weeks of Maternity Leave

1. Leave the House
I know this sounds flipping obvious but I often felt like this was the last thing in the world I wanted to do and yet every time I did I felt a million times better. Being inside for too long just magnifies everything, you look around and see all the shit that needs picking up, cleaning, tidying and you start to lose your mind. Even if you don't have a reason or a particular place to be ,go out, get out anywhere at anytime, just leave the house. Who cares if you're not wearing make up or if you haven't brushed your hair in three days? Chuck on some clothes, if you haven't done any washing yet this week, chuck on yesterdays clothes it doesn't matter just get the fuck out of that house.
Honestly a little walk or sitting on a park bench with a Mars bar can change everything.

We're Being Questioned by the Baby Police

Since Finley turned two, its been like a red rag to a bull for people asking if we're going to have another baby yet.

'Must be time for another don't you think?'

Seriously, is two years like the magic number or something? Is that a deadline I didn't know about? Am I falling behind on some baby schedule production line?

10 Things I Wish I Could Tell Pregnant Me

1. You Don't Need All That Cotton Wool
You've bought shit loads of cotton wool, in like 5 different varieties - you are completely ridiculous. From Day Two you will be using baby wipes because cotton wool is a giant pain in the arse.

2. Don't Re-decorate Your House
You've got someone coming in to re-paint every wall during the first week of your maternity leave. What are you thinking? Its August, its 30 degrees, you live in a tiny little flat and you are the size of a house. Fool.

3. You Have No Fucking Clue How to Swaddle a Baby
If you can't do it now with an inanimate teddy bear, you wont be able to do it with a screaming, wriggling baby. Give it up.

I'm a Google Parent

If I have a question about parenting I Google it. Before I talk to anyone else about it I turn to the Google Gods.
If my toddler says NO to everything, I Google it.
If my toddler will only eat cheese for 3 days, I Google it.
If my toddler keeps bashing me over the head with a Fire Engine and hysterically laughing, I Google it.
Google is my go to source for parenting advice and I'm not sure if that's really ok.

Night, Night One Year Old

On Wednesday night I put my one year old baby in his cot for last time, because in the morning he would be two and officially not a baby anymore.

I don't remember feeling sad at all when he turned one but I am really struggling with mixed emotions at the prospect of him turning two.
On one hand I'm excited for the next year to come. I'm so looking forward to having proper conversations with him where I fully get what he's talking about.
At the moment he has a lot of keywords like 'yes, no, choo-choo, dinner, poo-poo,' and he also has a couple of key phrases 'not ver hair' (not over there) and 'eee es' (here it is).

You'll know, when we know.

So my TimeHop app reminded me this morning that today two years ago was my due date.

The 12^th August 2013.